Has anyone else noticed the growing number of people who identify as slaves who “own” a slave? Has anyone else wondered what the hell is going on with that? Because I have – and do.
Maybe there is a misunderstanding about what a slave is. Maybe there is such a shortage of Dominants, that no choice is left to the wayward slave (who is so starved for ownership that anyone will do). Or maybe this is yet another sign of how many hacks have taken hold of the BDSM community at large.
In the D/s community, being a slave is no small thing. It isn’t something you do – it’s something you are. And it’s the most serious role available for those who identify as being submissive. By definition, a slave is not in charge, period. So how the hell is a slave supposed to be leading, guiding and being Master of another slave? Every slave I’ve ever met wouldn’t even WANT to! So can somebody please explain this one to me, because it makes no sense? And the only conclusion I can reach, is that it is a sure marker of someone who is full of shit.
If you’re a slave, and you’re seeking an Owner, (or you’re “owned” by a “slave”): please – PLEASE – do your homework. Study your predator. Learn about Dominants and Masters/Mistresses. Read the manuals for them, so you can learn how to better identify them. Otherwise, you’re going to waste a lot of time(otherwise known as your LIFE) on people who will never meet your needs. AND you are personally helping a person like this to hurt others. How?
- You give these people credibility. It doesn’t matter if they’re inept or not, because others take YOUR submission to the “slave/Master” as PROOF that they can be trusted and served.
- You give them a history of success that they will leverage to snare other unsuspecting slaves into their web of deceit. People often confuse the amount of TIME spent “owning” a slave as being a gauge of success and skill.
- You give them the ability to brag about their “slave” – for their own ego-stroking and self-gratification. They are wrapped up in the glamour of the title, and not focused on being a good Owner. And the sad fact is that others will believe this PR campaign of theirs.
If you’re a “slave” who takes on slaves: STOP. It is the only ethical, mature and responsible thing to do – whatever the source of this accidental, unintentional, or purposeful deceit may be. For example:
- If you’re really a switch, fine. There is nothing wrong with being a switch so start being honest about it. Accept what you are, and move forward.
- If you’re not sure what you are, then you are in NO position to own a slave.
- If you’re confused about what all the titles mean, then you need to do your homework, and, again, are in NO position to own a slave.
Stop deceiving others. Stop harming others. And stop wasting everyone’s time. Including yours. Because there is no way to engage in “safe, sane & consensual” play if it doesn’t start with honesty, integrity and respect. Whatever it is that you think you’re doing, it doesn’t meet these criteria – and it has nothing to do with being Master of another human being.