So… after doing this celibacy gig for a few months now, let me tell you – celibacy and dry spells are definitely not the same thing. Holy hell, I won’t lie – it hasn’t been an easy experiment.
Admittedly, there was a bit of Vaguebooking going on in my Celibacy Sexperiment intro article. Yes, I eluded to the fact that primarily, I was undertaking the experiment so as to focus more on writing and hone my creative process by eliminating distractions which could stand in the way of being as productive as I’d ideally like to be. All true, all valid.
But full disclosure? If I’d been getting some top shelf lays and/or had suitors on the scene who were actually solid partner material, this whole celibacy debacle wouldn’t have even been a seed of an idea. Because hey, this girl likes sex, yo! But frankly, I’d really just had it with the brutal Vancouver dating scene. It’s dismal and frustrating and I’m not the only person out there with this opinion. And so begins the rant…
With an imbalance of singles in men’s favor, it’s not surprising that Vancity ladies are constantly lamenting the fact that there not only seems to be a shortage of dudes, but there’s a shortage of dudes who are willing to make an effort by putting in the time and energy that dating requires, to actually woo you. The main complaint among single gals is that Van boys are for the most part, lazy, too laid-back and seem to be commitment phobic when it comes to all things courtship.
So why are west coast blokes this way? Well, for one, I suppose because they can be; they’re outnumbered by us XX’s, which means there’s always another hot chick around the corner. Guys don’t have to try all that hard with the dating rituals, because babely broads are in surplus. Couple that with the overall lackadaisical and laid-back ‘Vancouver mojo’, and it’s a recipe for dating disaster. Now sprinkle into this mix more than a few jerks that like to send shitty jerky messages, and this girl had had enough.
I have no qualms admitting that I’ve been a regular in the online dating circuit for a while now; off and on, it amounts to years. I’m what you might call a seasoned vet. I’ve been through battle and seen some wartime; I’ve developed the instinct and eye of a sniper. This girl don’t fall for bullshit and believe me, online dating is like bullshit Mecca.
“I have never received a mean-spirited, nasty or otherwise hateful message from a woman.
But, it seems that for some men, when a woman is bold and confident and sexually centered, it’s somehow a threat to their masculinity. And while I’m a bisexual female, I speak specifically about men, because I have never received a mean-spirited, nasty or otherwise hateful message from a woman. Not ever. Messages from women are always positive and complimentary and they quite often come from those who acknowledge they aren’t my type, but still felt compelled to let me know “I know I’m not what you’re looking for, but I just wanted to say I’m so glad to know that there are kick-ass women like you out in the world!” (As opposed to the men who feel a compulsion to send me a message like “You are so gross.”)
I find it fascinating that somehow, the gender that is typically brought up being told, reminded or nurtured to be insecure is the gender that can actually read my profile and not feel like someone has chopped off their genitals.
And so there was the issue of being inundated by some douchey asshats, coupled with not enough high match potentials that really propelled forward, this decision to be celibate for awhile. And I have to say, although I’ve been going through batteries like a mofo, I have been finding that my thoughts are more focused, I’m getting more work done, and I’m spending considerable energy on myself. It’s been a pretty good experiment, though not one I intend to have last forever. That said I’m not rushing anything because while I do look forward to finding ‘my person’, I’m trusting in the universe to present him/her when the timing is right. Until then, my Hitachi is going to continue getting some serious facetime.