My Celibacy Sexperiment – The Jig is Up

0 It was mid-August when I’d hopped off the sex train. I didn’t see the end coming when it did.
February 14, 2014 at 5:28 pm  •  Posted in Columns, Sex, According to AlphaSiren by  •  0 Comments

This girl has been flyin’ solo for a long time, taking lovers occasionally, and never really lacking for physical attention or sexcapades if and whenever I wanted to engage. But for all intents and purposes, I was happily, a single girl; and not to sound like a self-righteous dick when I say that yeah, it was by choice. There were suitors. They existed. But AlphaSiren has been the consummate bachelorette.

Despite online dating for years, I rarely went on dates, because as liberal as I am, and as much as I openly put myself out there, I wasn’t meeting super quality people and I wasn’t into banging the snot out of every hottie that crossed my path just for the sake of it; I spent many an evening in with a good book or back to back episodes of Homeland (and then later, Masters of Sex, natch!) and would usually (read: most always), leave parties, events and fetish nights, alone. Once I got well enough out of my 20s to realize where and how I wanted to spend my naked time, I knew it wasn’t on meaningless hook-ups. My last long-term relationship ended in late 2008 and since then, I’ve only been involved with two men in a “somewhat significant” way (ok so, somewhat significant was actually not all that significant. They were both long-lasting, but pretty much an utter waste of time).

Point is, over the past decade, I’ve gotten to know myself incredibly well, and have also come to learn exactly what I require in a partner. As such, I acknowledged years ago I’d rather be single for life, than ‘settle’. I see too many people live in discontent or with a pervasive undercurrent of unhappiness and dissatisfaction and I didn’t want that for myself. And so, at the ripe age of <cough, cough – ahem> I’ve been ever the single girl, and I’ve been more than okay with that, because I mean come on, let’s be real– my life is pretty fucking rad. And while I’m definitely at a place now where I feel like a whole human, capable of actually being a giving and nurturing part of a romantic ‘coupling’, I’ve also been well aware that, to quote Phil Collins (or The Supremes, depending your steez), You Can’t Hurry Love. I’ve been putting complete trust in the universe to bring someone into my life when it was right and meant to happen.

Though early October was when celibacy officially became a “thing”, it was mid-August when I’d hopped off the sex train. I wrote about my reasons for this experiment in my intro piece, touching on the frustrations of dating in Vancouver, which I expounded on in more detail in my last piece. I had no pre-determined end date, but figured I’d probably be celibate well into the dawn of 2014. I didn’t see the end coming when it did.

It’s come; oh, has it ever! I‘d said I wanted to hold out, not until I just “couldn’t take it anymore – gaaaah, someone bone me”, but rather, until I met someone with whom I felt a deep connection and utter desire to experience sex and everything else. Well, I’ve met him. Ironically, we met through an online dating site (and not a moment too soon; I was just about to send the site a computer virus to kill the useless ‘Bots making all the bullshit matches). Out of the ether, this man….oh gods, this incredible man who excites, entices and engages me on every.single.fucking.level, materialized. In the “what I’m looking for” section of my profile I’d said I was looking for an educated, evolved, cerebral, athletic, tall, solid, creative male in masculine manly-man wrapping.”

You have no idea how many messages I received from dudes saying “good luck finding that unicorn, picky bitch!!”

Well, joke’s on those guys because, poof – here he is. Creative, wicked smart, hilarious, sensitive, ridiculously manly-man handsome, tattooed, did I mention hilarious? and…communicative. He’s all the things I’d envisioned, and so many more things I didn’t even know I wanted until he showed up. It’s like I’ve won the lottery without even realizing I was holding that golden ticket (and nope, in case you’re wondering, it’s not the beardy trainer guy from my gym).

It was instantaneous mutual attraction, interest, vibing and almost an innate comfortable familiarity and has since developed into something more connected, real and…magical really, than anything I’ve known in my life, and has completely taken this single, “open” girl, by surprise. In meeting this person, I have learned so much about the partner I want to be, as well as the type of relationship I want to nurture. The funny thing about love is that it usually always finds you when you’re not looking for it, which is the absolute best way for anything to happen. Unexpectedly. Organically. Out of nowhere. Like a punch in the throat (but in a good way).  Which is exactly what has happened to me…Alpha’s found love, yo!

And so ends the Celibacy Ride! It was an interesting experiment, one which allowed me to get more in touch with myself, be more productive and think about what it is I want/need in a relationship, all while testing my mettle in the face of a self-administered sexual drought. While I don’t regret staving off dating and sex for a few months, I’m ecstatic that the experiment is done and that sex (along with so much more) is back on like Donkey Kong. Swoon.

By AlphaSiren | www.alphasiren.com

Leave a Reply