In The Flesh by Dave Toxik

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May 16, 2014 at 1:32 pm  •  Posted in From the Staff, In The Flesh by  •  1 Comment

  • In the flesh is where my interests lie, at least for the purposes of this column. It’s in the flesh that the heart of of erotic Vancouver beats, and in the flesh that encouraging sexuality resides. The human body has urges and desires. Sometimes these needs work cooperatively with our minds and hearts, sometimes they oppose gently or vehemently.

    Of course, it might be more fitting to discuss such matters in person rather than through the written word, and perhaps we may some day. But for now, the written word shall have to do. Alternately, perhaps you can get a friend or lover to read aloud as I share my thoughts and passions.

    To understand my passions you need to know more about me. I’m a mix of polyamorist, kinkster, hedonist, geek, host, burner and whatever floats my boat. I’ve been a geek since childhood and delved into the local kink scene in 2007. I began exploring polyamory in 2008 (soon helping host Vanpoly meetings and facilitating Men’s Poly Meets for 18 months or so) and joined the burner community in 2010 (a burner is someone who attends the Burning Man festivals and regional events and subscribes to the ten principles of the event). And I have been fortunate enough to carve out a wonderful social circle made up of people from all those diverse communities. I’ve hosted fun events with my wife to help grow the community of amazing and sexy people around us. Community-building is important to me as well. Oh, and I like fishnets. And latex. But I digress.

    Back to sex positivity. Because promoting a sex positive culture is pretty important as well.

    People who are new to that term may create their own definition, for better or for worse. I’ve had people assume (one with delight, another with disgust) that it means a willingness to have sex with anyone, anytime. While I have no problem with people having consensual sex with as many partners as they wish, it’s not quite what I mean. Allena Gabosch from Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture does a great job explaining it, though. She describes sex positivity as:

    “An attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation.”

    Sounds yummy, doesn’t it? This definition does a great job of describing what I mean by sex positivity, my overall stance on life and sexuality and my approach to this column.

    I cannot talk about sex positivity without expressing my gratitude for the growth of sexy, supportive events that Vancouver is home to. Vancouver’s choice of publicized stimulating events is slowly growing to the point that we have multiple offerings in a weekend or given night. First world problems being what they are, it is not unusual to hear a lot of frustration amongst my friends that they can’t attend all of them.

    Don’t get me wrong – I know the city has a long and sweaty history of kink and fetish events, erotic house parties and other happenings to make your brain and your body hot and horny. In the Betty Page and BIO days you had to be in the know, or dig deep. And of course there is a generation of folks who will gladly and proudly inform us of all the sexy shenanigans happening prior to those events.

    Nowadays, though, we have it much easier. That ubiquitous beast of Social Media makes it easy to connect locally or across the planet with people who share your kinks, fetishes and desires. Want to attend a dungeon party in Vancouver this month? Check – Rascals has you covered. Dry dungeon party? Check – MVK is your place to go. Dancing with dungeon? The long-established Sin City is always an option to shake your groove thang, and the Noir Fetish Ball presents a front and centre dungeon for your visual delight. Play parties? Club Eden and other businesses offer paid memberships for sexy offering, but there are dozens of more underground sexy scenes and house parties. Burlesque? Marvel at Sweet Soul Burlesque, Kitty Nights, or the Vancouver International Burlesque Festival. Hell, we even have sexy life drawing going on with Dr. Sketchy’s Ant-Art School. It’s all out there, promoted on Facebook or Fetlife or Erotic Vancouver’s list of events. The local sex positive scene is big, growing and spectacular.

    Which means that all of us who love these events need to do our best to nurture them and keep them healthy. Let’s show people new to this culture that in addition to being hella erotic and explorative and pleasurable, it is safe and respectful. That’s where growing sex positivity comes in. And since my intro is getting a bit long, let’s promise to chat more about that next time.

    My name’s Dave Toxik. I dig sex positivity. Let’s chat.

    In the flesh.

One Comment

  1. Wendy Niessen / May 22, 2014 at 7:43 am / Reply

    I look forward to reading more of your insights! Oh and a bit of catching up! In the flesh!

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